It is also a day of self-reflection for me. A day that I sit and wonder if I am the kind of mom I thought I would be. Remember, I am the girl who dreamed of being a mom from the time I was little, and I mean little. I remember holding those foster babies we used to have when I was 6 years old and I just knew I was born to be a mom. I remember holding my own little brother that was born when I was 8 and I knew again that nothing could be better than being a mom. As I grew up and could babysit, man I loved holding and taking care of other people's children. Again, I dreamed of the day I would have my own. I had names for my babies and I could envision myself rocking away hours holding my own little babies.
I got my dream. I got 4 of them. And they were more perfect than I could have imagined.
But now my babies are getting older. My baby is almost 4. My oldest turns 11 this year. And being a mom is getting more difficult. I could take care of babies. It was like breathing to me. Big kids have more needs than babies do. And I am no longer that confident mama. I never knew I would worry so much if my kids had friends or if they would do well in school. I never knew how much time I would spend wondering if they would choose the right. No one told me that even though my mom was calm and patient that I would have to work at that. Or if they did I was not listening because I didn't think it could be that hard. My mom never raised her voice. I use that too loud voice way too much. My mom always thought of others first. I find myself thinking of me more than I should. I was not prepared for the nights that I would go to bed wondering if I had broken their hearts, shattered their dreams, or damaged their self-confidence. At the same time, I never could have been prepared for the way they forgive me and love me. It truly is an amazing thing. No matter the kind of mom I am one day, they still throw their arms around me and tell me they love me. They give me hope that I can be that kind of mom that I always dreamed of. The kind of mom that I still dream of.
I have been so blessed. I am thankful for all the great examples of mothers that I have in my life. My own mom, my mother-in-law, grandmothers, and dear friends. thank you for your examples. You inspire me. You keep me going. I am thankful for a husband that helps me be a better mom. Who reminds me that I am capable. Who patiently points out the good things I do when I have a hard time seeing them.
So on this Mothers Day I can honestly say that I am living my dream. I am not the person yet that I was in my dream. But my family gives me hope that I can be. Seriously, these kiddos I have are amazing. It is good for me to sit and think about that. To relish in the fact that I have been blessed with 4 incredible children. I need to slow it down and just enjoy each day.
To my kiddos.....thank you for giving me my dream.
XOXO
8 comments:
Kim-
I absolutely LOVE your post. I can relate to every word you wrote.
Happy Mother's Day!
~Toby
I agree. So well written :)
I love the pics. And your thoughts. Thanks.
Beautifully said, Kim.
:) I also love you. really.
But Kim, you still don't look old enough to have one child, much less four! Happy Mother's Day :)
Amen. Love the pictures. Let me know when you start to age and gain weight. Then maybe I'll hang out with you! Love the words too...I feel the same just can't say it as eloquently!
Well said. I also was reading your other posts and loved the eating out, one on one time for a motivation. I don't know how you find all the time to work, go to school, be in the YW and spend time with you little chicks. I think your title is Super Mom. By the way, I've been wanting to ask where you had your beautiful family picture taken? We should get together sometime soon.
Post a Comment