Forgiveness Epiphany

For as long as I can recall I have been an optimistic and happy person. I don't necessarily think I thought of these adjectives when I thought of myself, but in hindsight I could say those words describe me. During my time of separation and divorce, the few people that were close enough to me to know my struggles often commented about my attitude and my mood and my strength. I honestly just couldn't wrap my brain around what they were really saying. Sure, I knew that despite days where I felt like my heart was very literally breaking I still put on a smile and and put all the energy I could muster into being a good mom.  I knew that despite feeling like my stress would literally kill me, I went to work and put forth real effort to be Christlike to the people I interacted with. Despite feeling like a failure and battling feelings of sadness, I was able to keep moving forward without anger or hard feelings. I thought about the comments and analyzed them frequently. I chalked it up to my nature or this "sunny disposition" and my intrinsic desire to be optimistic. I also knew that Heavenly Father loved  me and wanted me to be happy, so he sent friends to encourage me and keep me afloat. Although I was sure he did that for all his children in need. And while I still believe that to be true, I had an epiphany in church a few weeks ago that provided the answer I've been seeking. Our lesson was on forgiveness and was taken in large part from a talk in a church magazine; the January Ensign. The article is entitled Choosing to Forgive and it was written by Benjamin F. Call. Check it out in its entirety here.  As I listened to the lesson the answer to "how" I managed be happy and hopeful in the face of great difficulty hit me right in the face. The answer = FORGIVENESS.

As I sat an listened to the lesson I knew the difference was I had been able to forgive. In fact I think I was forgiving along the way to a degree. It sounds so simple now as I write this and yet it never really dawned on me that it was the miracle of forgiveness that allowed me to feel peace. happiness. hope. It removed the anger and allowed me to see light at the end of the tunnel. I looked back upon my life and realized I have had opportunities throughout my life to learn the art of forgiveness. And those past opportunities made it all the easier to embrace it this time around. I know it is true that when we forgive ourselves and those that hurt us, our outlook is forever changed and peace and hope will reside within us. For this I am eternally thankful. Here are a few of my favorite thoughts from the article.

As a cardiologist, I attended a conference for physicians several years ago about the importance of forgiveness. I learned there of scholarly studies showing that choosing to forgive leads to better health, increased optimism, and better relationships with others.¹ In my study of the words of God, I have learned that forgiving others also brings great spiritual blessings, including peace and hope.

To forgive is to pardon an offense. It is to let go of blame for a past hurt. It is to release a great burden. It is to move ahead with life.

“Forgiveness is freeing up and putting to better use the energy once consumed by holding grudges, harboring resentments, and nursing unhealed wounds. It is rediscovering the strengths we always had and relocating our limitless capacity to understand and accept other people and ourselves.”

“Forgiving what we cannot forget creates a new way to remember. We change the memory of our past into a hope for our future.”

It can be difficult to find the strength to forgive, but the Savior and His Atonement make it possible. Truly, as we open our hearts to forgive others, we will be blessed with peace. Let us each embrace the healing power of forgiveness.