I am looking for some balance in my life. I keep thinking it is just around the corner. That one day I will wake up and I will have achieved the balance I seek. But, I'm still waiting.
You see, I have not blogged in what seems like ages. Not only that, but I haven't even been able to read all the blogs I so enjoy. I take occasional peeks, but not the time I would like. "blogging" was my down time, my just for me time, my take a deep breath and everything will be alright time. I've been missing it. And I have photos and events and stories I want to share. But seriously, there just hasn't been the time. Not time for that and my husband. It seems like late nights are the only chance we have to catch up. Because believe me, with 4 talking kids, its doesn't happen any other time of the day. So then its like I have to choose: blogs or my lover. Lately, he's been winning. But I've been missing keeping up with all of you and your blogs. Have you been missing me like I've been missing you?
That is where this balance thing comes in. I know there has to be a way for me to feel balanced in all areas. I am typically an organized person who can multi-task and get lots done, but lately I feel not so organized. I am enjoying all the things I am doing, I feel that all are important, but I've been just a little on edge. Just a little too stressed. Just a little too quick tempered. Just a little too busy.
I don't want my kids to feel I am too busy. I want to remember to stop with the constant tidying and just listen to them a little more fully. Problem is, some of what I'm always busy with is stuff that has to be done. The laundry has to be done. Food has to be made. And on and on.
Just for myself I am going to write my day. A typical day. Today in fact.
Arise at 6 am and wish that it wasn't already time to get up. Stay in the shower too long, but it just felt too good.
After I am ready its time to wake up Ashley, make sure boys are up. do everyone's hair (except cole's). make pancakes and coleman's lunch. rejoice it was a day the 3 other kids wanted to buy lunch :) meanwhile josh gets coleman ready. kids eat. josh cleans up dishes. I gather work stuff.
7:45 - big kids are off to school. Coleman wants daddy to take him to school. I head off to work.
11:45 got to meet josh for lunch today. best part of the day.
3:15 - pick coleman up from school and head home.
3:30 arrive home. yeah. quick check email. fix cheese and peanut butter crackers for the kids. REmind Mitchel to do his homework. mitch has friend over. i read to coleman and snuggle for 20 minutes - then turn him loose to diego on tv so Ashley can read to me for 20 minutes. clean the kitchen. the dishes were done in the morning, but not floors or counters and its REALLY bugging me. Also all the jackets and backpacks and other random things that seem to be strewn all over the floor instead of the mud room closet where they belong :) breathe, they are little. they need reminders. like a million. Mitchel's friend leaves. Remind Mitchel to finish his homework. Kids and I run to SpeediMart (gas station and little grocery just up the road to get milk and bread.) Come home and make a totally nutritious dinner of grilled cheese and soup. (just one of those days). Josh and I clean up dinner. I change my clothes and head to young womens. Have a great activity on nutrition and fitness and then do 30 minutes of kickboxing. Realize again how out of shape I am. Leave church and run to grocery to get the soup I need for dinner tomorrow night. No, we are not having soup again, but I need it for my crock pot pork chops. Come home to a house full of sleeping children and food in freezer and fridge from Josh's run to Sams while I was gone. Be thankful for a helpful husband. Fall into my big warm bathtub and relax for a few minutes. Feel like crawling into bed, reading Eclipse for just a moment, chatting a bit with Josh and then drifting off to sleep. But despite that it is 10:30, I come downstairs to my computer and start this long blog....and here I sit.
And now its back to that balance issue. I need to get a grip somehow. I am getting most of all the important things done, but not sure I am being the most cheerful and happy mama that I need to be. In fact, I know I am not. I know I grump at them a bit too much for my liking. I know my patience is not what it should be. I don't want this school year to be a blur that we "survived", I want it full of happy moments, of laughter and enjoying each other, and a little bit of down time. I don't want my unorganization to cause stress for anyone else, so I've got to get it together. I've gotta be capable. Its gotta be in me somewhere. Maybe the key to my balanced life is hiding beneath the 3 loads of clean laundry that are currently heaped in a basket overflowing onto my bedroom floor. Totally unfolded. And now totally wrinkled. Love that.
10 comments:
Can I just say MAJOR dittos!? My list of things to do is always more than I can accomplish. It seems to get more complicated as my kids get older. Hannah starts driver's ed. in two weeks. She has to be at school by 6 a.m. Maybe if I am getting up at 4:30, I will be able to fit more things into my day! :) Take heart because you are a GREAT mom and a wonderful person!
I hear ya, girl, I hear ya. And isn't this the first year you've worked outside the home? Give yourself time to adjust :)
I love your insightful comments and that you are so aware of enjoying it all. You'll find your balance and even if it takes a while, at least I know you are enjoying eveything, even the trying to find it along the way.
I love you.
You are so not alone. Let me know if you ever find the secret to the balance. I think we're all looking for it (yearning for it really). Hang in there!
Kim, all I have to say is you are AMAZING for accomplishing all you do in 24 hours!!!! Life is always crazy just last night JOey and I were getting our class schedules organized for next semester and it will be another crazy semester and as we were sitting there stressing about it on paper, we decided to be grateful it works out and we don't have to get a babysitter!!! I know how you feel (but to a smaller degree cause we only have 1 child). Hopefully when we have more kids I'll be able to manage my time the way you do!
so glad to see your post! i stay home and feel overwhelmed so can't imagine keeping a schedule like yours on track. i guess that i am feeling a little selfish since i have been so bummed there have been so many days between posts - i really should consider all that a working wife with 4 kids has to do - but its just that i love you so! we are our own worst critic so don't be so hard on yourself... any mom that makes pancakes on a school day should win an award!
okay. I know I'm like 21... and I don't know anything.
But last month in one of my student council classes our teacher had each of us say one thing that we had to do every day/every week that if we didn't do our lives would completely stop, we couldn't go on. Then she talked about having an equation of balance (from steven r. covey's 7 habits book - which is the text for our class) and at the end, she encouraged us to create a list of, you know, 10 things that HAVE to be done every day so that we can say, "I did my best." And sometimes we'll look back on individual moments and think we didn't do very well, but overall, the day was balanced because we did all the things in our equation. I've been doing it for two weeks and it has made a huge difference. HUGE difference.
Also, I can't use the word "balance" because it makes me feel like I have to hold a billion things all at once. I use the word harmonize because A) it sounds prettier and B) it visually works better for me. I think I got that from my mom, who has sent me about 50 billion articles on this.
So there are the thoughts of your favorite 21-year-old.
Times and seasons my friend. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are wonderful!
Kim, I just want you to know how amazing I think you are. I don't know how you do everything you do. Just give it time and everything will fall into place and you will find a peaceful balance in your life. In the meantime just remember your an awesome mom, wife and sister!
I just now checked your blog because I am doing a terrible job at balancing my life and I haven't made the time for blogging. :) I have always been amazed with how much you accomplish each day. When I was visiting you we would stay up way too late and you would still get up to go on your 6:00 am walks, while I was a pile in bed until 9:00. Everyday you just went hard all day long with an amazing amount of energy! You really just need to help me and share your tricks because I think you have the balance thing figured out! :)
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